Today?

Is today the day? Is today the day when I feel as positive on the inside as I appear on the outside? It's a good facade, I wear it well. I'm strong, competent, capable, educated. And worried. Always worried. Worried about my children, about their not-too-far-off futures. About their grades, about the choices they make, or fail to make. Worried about financing a home. About "what if's" and "what now?"

I worry about my school. Will I really be able to put up with two more years of this kind of stress? Is it really worth it? Is it really what I want? Is today the day that I crack under all the pressure and say "I'M DONE!"?

I worry about my hubby. He works so hard for us, and I worry that he will get bitten by a snake, sprayed by a skunk, or impale himself on a rusty nail in someone's attic while chasing down a raccoon. I worry that he will fall off a roof, and not be able to work and take care of us. I worry that he will become tired of doing it all alone while I attempt to finish school.

I worry about my parents. I don't ever want to disappoint them. I want them to be proud of me for finishing school, proud of my husband for working so hard, and proud of my children for making good grades and good choices.

Is today the day I will feel as positive on the inside as I appear on the outside?

Today is the day I will pray. As I always do, I will pray. I will give it to God, and he will hold it and handle it for me. And today I will be stronger for it. Today is the day.