Fear

All this talk of impending storms tonight has me very very VERY frightened. I'm generally not scared of storms. Thunder and lightening don't bother me, and I often enjoy the spring rains. I take the opportunity to sleep with the windows open, listening to the rain patter through the trees and drip off the house.

Tonight, I am afraid of tornadoes. My cousin lost her home on Sunday to the tornado in Joplin, MO. She literally has nothing left, except the clothes she was wearing, and her car. So many other people lost so much more, and the loss of life continues to grow each day, as they uncover more wreckage and find more bodies.
My mind goes to strange places in the face of this fear. It is not fear of the unknown. I know what is at stake. I know what I stand to lose. For all that I complain about my tiny house, my tiny "one-butt" kitchen, not having enough storage space, etc., for all my complaining, I am blessed to have a home. To have a roof over my head, to have a teeny little kitchen in which to prepare meals that provide my family with sustenance. To have a room in which I can escape, alone or with my love, to have shelving on which I store the food that sustains us, closets to keep my things in, couches and desks and computers, a washer and dryer, a dishwasher... all these things I have. Others have not. My mind boggles and heart breaks at the thought of losing these things. The thought of having absolutely NO HOME, no room, no closets, nothing left except what I'm wearing, and if I'm lucky, my car. And beyond that, the thought of having to replace all those lost items. The expense! The hassle!
And yet... What about the things that can never be replaced? The lives lost, the loved ones who are missing, the heartbreak, the fear, the loneliness can be overwhelming. That loss I can not imagine. And I don't want to live it. I don't want to find out what it's like. I don't want to experience the fear and loneliness. I don't want to live through that kind of loss.
Tonight I am thankful for my blessings, my tiny house with the tiny kitchen, my too-small closets and rickety shelving, my hand-me-down appliances. More than that, I am thankful that I live, that my cousin lives. I am thankful that so far, we are untouched by any life-taking destruction, and I pray for a hedge of protection around my family, loved ones, neighbors, and friends.

Calm our fears, Lord, and keep us safe in the shelter of Your Love.

Random stuff I'm catching up on

For 16 weeks, all my energy was focused on getting through the Spring Semester at school. For the last six weeks, any remaining energy I had was focused on getting through the Zumbathon. Now that it's all over, I hardly know what to do!

School is over, grades are tallied up, and while I'm not completely happy with the outcome, I can live with it. I received two B's and a C. That C is killing me, because I know I'm a better student than that. While it was a very high C (78.45%), it's still a C. It doesn't reflect my level of hard work, or my level of intelligence. There's nothing I can do about it now, though.  Thankfully, it didn't hurt my GPA, which is still a 3.83. More on the woes of school later.

The Zumbathon was an amazing experience. Only one minor blip with the sound system, and everything else ran as smooth as I could hope for. All the instructors brought amazing energy. The routines and music were all so fun! Our attendance was around 40 or so, and I consider that a success. We had almost no expenses, thanks to the efforts of many people who worked together. Door prizes were donated, along with the use of a stage. There was even a company in town who matched the money we raised, and the total was somewhere around $1000 altogether. Mr. Nutter attended along with his family and stayed through the entire event. He looked really great for someone receiving treatments for stage 4 lung cancer. He took the microphone a few times and said some encouraging and thankful words to us all. He spoke of the prayer circle and invited us all to join. He spoke of the generosity of the town, and the gratitude he and his family feel. I was so blessed to have been a part of something so meaningful.

So now that it's all over, it's back to Normal Life. Like there IS SUCH A THING, haha.I feel a bit restless and random today, just in the wake of all the excitement. With no homework to do, and nothing else to worry about right now, I don't quite know what to do with myself! But it's a good feeling, knowing that I can just "be" for a while, without being busy.

The kids have school for about another week and a half. Not long at all. In that time, I hope to do some serious decluttering and cleaning around the house, and maybe even paint the kids' bedrooms in an attempt to lure them into the habit of keeping their rooms clean. However, that may be a futile endeavor. 

House Hunting has been put on hold for a bit, so no updates for you on that front. I still want the house we looked at in Claremore, and I hope that soon the time will be right, and all the pieces will fall into place. I'm being patient, and I'm praying. 

It's a little bit odd to look forward into this week and realize that there is nothing pressing. Just everyday stuff. Hope you all have a great week!

Sing along

Music lifts my spirit most days. I can't go a day without listening to music, almost any kind will do! I grew up singing in church, then in the choir at school, and I've even been known to sing some karaoke once in a while.Often, music can say exactly what I'm feeling. Currently, these songs are among some of my favorites, and they hold some meaning for me as well. 

"I used to dream about
the life I'm living now.
I know that there's no doubt, 
I made it, I made it."
This one is so true! I may not be living a "perfect life", but I have a job I love, a supporting and hard-working hubby, and 3 really great kids. Sure, my life could be better, but honestly? I'm doing pretty darn good.

"I have been blessed
and I feel like I've found my way.
I thank God for all I've been given,
at the end of every day."
Honestly, how often do we remember, recount, and recall all the things in our lives that truly bless us?Because even when things look bleak, or scary, or just downright BAD, we have blessings. Family who love us, friends we can count on, some hobby or talent or something that can make us happy. A job, even if we hate it, is a blessing, especially in today's economy. A house that's too small is still a place to live, and is definitely a blessing when you consider the alternative! Everybody has something that blesses them.

"You spin my head right round, right round..."
That one goes out to my Zumba students. Every single one of them is simply amazing. Their dedication, energy, and excitement continually lift me up and can turn around any bad day! I love them all so much! And speaking of blessings, I am so blessed to be able to know each and  every one of these amazing ladies. And I've been blessed to witness some pretty amazing changes in some of these women as well. I am continually impressed by their progress!

I am blessed, I made it, and my head spins when I think of all the wonderful things in my life right now.

FINAL-LY

A little play on words there, since it's finals week. I know. It's weak. Week, weak, whatever.
This is what Finals Week does to my brain. I can't concentrate on anything. I have stupid little inconsequential thoughts all jumbled up with the BIG IMPORTANT THINGS I'm supposed to be remembering for my exams. Yeah.

So, I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm literally sick at my stomach because I'm so stinking nervous. And normally, to combat these bad feelings, I would go to my nearest Zumba class and shake away my stress. But the stress is causing body aches, and I have my own classes to teach, so I have to give my body a break in between my own classes... And yet, I hurt. I need endorphins! Catch-22, anyone?

I'll be incredibly happy when this week is over. I know I will. For about 2 weeks, I will blissfully happy, with no homework, no definite goals beyond house-work and feeding the crew. After two weeks, I will be bored. I will be begging for a goal, a specific time frame in which things must be done. Because I can not live without purpose. I can not survive without structure and routine.

And then the kids will be out of school for the summer, and routines and structure will deteriorate further.

See what Finals Week does to my brain? I'm complaining because I can't wait to be done with this semester, all the while, worrying over what I will do once it IS over?

I should be studying. Wish me luck!